Tag Archives: epic fail

Preeti Reads OUTLANDER, Part 1

I’m reading OUTLANDER for the first time. It’s … been enlightening.

Last night I texted Jenn with updates.

 

outlander 1 outlander 2

Outlander 7 outlander 4

 

outlander 5

 

 

Today I made her listen to me complain on gchat. Please excuse our pidgin typing.

Preeti: jenn no one told me outlander was going to turn into twilight
how come no one told me jenn
Jenn: it doesn’t exactly
it goes thru phases
like a teenager
Preeti: well claire is in her bella swan phase and jamie keeps going btwn being jacob and edward
…………….
Preeti:  it’s a total power play
and then the weird parts where he’s like
you WILL call me master
and i’m like ugghhhh
whattt
claire you were so bad ass
Jenn: yyyyyyyeah
i mean for the record the book is going to get even crazier
Preeti: i am enjoying the story
but i feel like there’s been this like
dramatic shift
in claire
where in the first half
she’s really smart and funny
and pretty awesome
then he beats her, and convinces her that it was for her own good
and she agrees!!!!!!!
and i think that is what is really killing me
Jenn: i guess i blocked some of that scene out bc i remember the beating part but not the agreeing part
that’s pretty terrible
Preeti: yeah like afterward
she’s mad and makes him sleep on the floor
which good
but then they’re walking
bc she’s hurting so bad she can’t sit on a horse
and he tells her some embarrassing stories
and is like
see?
you have to be beaten
and she’s like oh well i guess i see your point
ps i love you
Jenn: ahahhaa that is hilarious and also bad
Also, Blair is amazing.
Blair: see if you had read way more romance novels like i have
you would know what a cockstand is
Preeti: aaaahaha
Blair: (it is not a resting place for your rooster)
Preeti: are you sure?
i mean
contextually
it could be
a stand for your rooster to rest on
Stay tuned for Part 2.

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06/11/2004, My Mom Tries to Chat Arranged Marriage

This has been happening for ten years, just want you guys to know that. (Taken from my old-old-old livejournal account because I can’t actually believe this happened ten years ago.)

 

Mom: Preeti, c’mon, think about it, we have offers.
me: Offers?!?! .. right.
Mom: He’ s a doctor!
me: He’s already a doctor?! how old is he, 40?
(Heeral: hahaha, i need a yoooung brrrriiiide)
Mom: C’mon, you can do whatever you want. you can hire people to do everything, cook, clean, whatever.
Me: and all i have to do is marry someone I don’t know.
Mom: No, you’ll get to know him!
Me: Mom. i’m trying to play video games. no more talking about marriage.
Mom: You have to be married by the time you’re 26!
Me: Mom! VIDEO GAMING!

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Just Call Me Master IJDGAF

Because I’ve officially graduated with my Masters in Publishing.

Which is going to be super, duper useful. Do you hear me, Publishing Industry? IT WILL BE USEFUL. (… it probably won’t be that useful).

That being said, this is a party post.

… Kind of. It’s also sort of a continuation of My Future is Imaginary. Because now that I no longer have the “but I’m a student” argument to make about avoiding real life, it’s kind of hit really hard and really fast.

Cue the that’s what she said.

So, yes: Party party party party all the time all the time. Because, now is the time to do it. I’ve been an official graduate for about three days now. Mere moments after the ceremony I steadfastly resolved to be the antithesis of productivity for at least a week.

This was a lie. It did not happen. Mostly. It did not happen.

… I can’t remember what my point was there. But at least I got to use a picture of Andrew W.K. He makes me feel better about myself.

So, I have a masters. And now there’s real life to be lived! And with the idea that my future is imaginary and that I don’t really have any where to go professionally, I’m kind of at a loss with what to do. I believe the phrase ‘so fucking stagnant’ covers the feeling admirably.

With that same sense of stagnation being felt in many industries, there are a lot of us (in the current entry level generation) that are feeling this way. We’re getting more and more frustrated, more and more boxed in, and less and less likely to think that we can do anything about it.

I know, I said I wanted to be unproductive and that I couldn’t do it. Because I’m pretty sure I’m overcompensating for the lack of movement in my realliferealjob by starting stupid shit on the internet that’s going to take up creative time. Because at least this way, I’m saying something. Right? Okay, I’m not sure I’m actually saying anything, but whatever. Fuck you, this is my blog. I do what I want. And you know what, I’m not sorry.

You get me, Snoop.
You get me.

So, the real question is, now that real life is here, with real responsibilities (ahem, loans) and real derailments (ahem, career) and real consequences (… I don’t have an ahem for this, but I know they’re around), what do I do with myself? Where’s the drive? Where’s the purpose? …

This sounds like a Matchbox 20 song. Or a My Chemical Romance song? I don’t even know. It certainly sounds like someone whining to music. Right? Right. I hate that I’m having twenty-something angst right now. It’s brought about a huge bout of self loathing, just so we’re all aware. But then, this is my so-called life, son. Except in my drama, nobody leans great. Sigh.

But seriously. On the upside (and the downside), while I do hate that I’ve lost the confidence in knowing where I want to be and what I want to be doing… I no longer feel so tied to my career path that I don’t think I can be adventurous. Earlier today, I actually had a serious conversation about moving to Europe. Like, in the we-could-really-do-this kind of way. Which is simultaneously awesome and terrifying because it means that a) I don’t think I’d really care about quitting this job right now and b) … I could fucking really do it. Kick ass.

… This whole post was incredibly self serving, idec.

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My Future is Imaginary

As I get further and further into my (damned damned damned) thesis, and closer to the end of my comfort zone student-ness, I find myself questioning where I am and where I want to go within publishing. I’m reaching and grasping in the air for this thing that doesn’t exist anymore, or at least… it feels like it doesn’t exist anymore. A… figment, if you will. [Insert cheeky grin here.]

It used to be, you had a track. Overly simplified, it was  Editorial intern –> Editorial Assistant –> Editor.

Alas, this is not necessarily the case anymore. In an industry rife with nepotism and aging management, it is tough for a kid to get a break. (/whining).

Beyond just the things working against us, there’s also the constant change that’s happening within the industry (UM HAI iPAD!), and the pundits opinions as to what it all means or where it will take us. Obviously, no one really knows.

Stop just saying whether or not a device will fix us, and how about hey, come up with some new models or ideas. Stop waiting for tech companies to do all the revolutionalizing you poor shmucks*. … That was probably uncalled for and kind of really mean. But you know what I’m saying.
*(When I say “shmucks” I mean everyone who has ever said anything about the topic ever. Not the participants in that video, I don’t even know them.)

Instead of jumping on every bandwagon you see, or stealing and slightly altering someone else’s AMAZING INCREDIBLE SPECTACULAR-SPECTACULAR idea for the future, how about doing a little brain storming and coming up with something new and improved and (dare I suggest it?) unique.

… Yes, yes, I’m ranting. What else is new?

It might be said that now’s not the time for one person to be doing anything. Everything that can be owned is already owned, and someone’s already done everything that could possibly be done. (… maybe). Not that we’ll ever really know when everyone who can actually make a real difference in publishing is too scared to actually do anything interesting.

(I will note here that HarperStudio was new and interesting and done by a company that was big enough to make a difference. Of course, the imprint is now defunct, but the thought was there! The potential was there! Yay Harper! … Now just get rid of that ole’ dinosaur you call Dad, and we’ll be good to go.)

In an example of the ridiculous end of the spectrum: I went to a luncheon a few weeks ago to see a group of industry bigwigs talk about the future of publishing. First of all: HA. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

… Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

So, a question was posed to the two people representing traditional book publishing. The question centered around the consumer who will actually be purchasing the book. The representatives fumbled a bit before noting that, well yes, they didn’t really have a lot of contact with the actual consumer and so couldn’t really answer the question.

And people think the issue is that no one is reading anymore and there are too many venues for content and entertainment.

I say: LOL.

But I digress, this isn’t a post about what people are doing wrong. Not really. This is a post about not knowing where we fit in. We, the young, hopeful, bright eyed interns and assistants who want so badly for the book to never go away. We’re not being used to our potential, and that is so, so depressing.  Use us! We have pep and vitality!*
*In no way do I condone using crystal meth to make Book Publishing better. Unless it proves to work. In which case: Bring on the meth labs. I am so in.

So where do we go now? It’s never been more difficult to get into this industry. And once you’re in, it’s never been more difficult to move around. The thought of the future makes me want to vom a little. I can’t lie. It’s a big question, I know. And one that currently has no answer.

I am where I am, and I be where I be.

Teh End.

But not really! (Fooled you, suckas!)

I’m gon’ take this here future into my own hands (which will be full and complete because no matter what emails I get today, I will not cut my own fingers off in protest).

… I am a cocky little bastard, aren’t I?

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Sigh. And big moves are made.

So there’s a whole to-do going on in my workworld right now – not that many of you will care, because c’mon, how many people really even read now days anyway, right? (You’ll excuse me if I’m bitter).

Anyhoo – so, here are the basics. Amazon sells e-books for their e-reader, the Kindle. K, that’s cool. Their Kindle is closed format. Still, good for them, their company, their rules. Unfortunately, because they are the biggest book seller, this puts them in a position of habitualizing people who read electronically. They are creating the norms for e-publishing, and it seems that this doesn’t really matter to them. It’s more about Mr. Bezos’ control and bank account than it is about literature they’re selling. Which is very un-book-like. Rarely has publishing been about the profit, the reason that there are 8 billion books published a year is because hopefully one of them will take off and make us enough money that we can publish the other 7 billion blahblahblah and 99  without making a profit because we love them and they deserve to be out there… even if only a few people will ever really even read them. Sorry, /rambling.

So, this past week, Macmillan (a publishing house that includes Tor, FSG, :01 to name a few) went to Amazon to be like hey what’s up, let’s work on this pricing strategy you guys have. Right now, Amazon prices e-books at 9.99, often times selling them at a loss. This doesn’t matter to Amazon because while they are taking a loss, they’re also gaining customers who will read on their kindle as well as buy other things from Amazon. This matters to book publishing because if you price every book (regardless of cost of production) at 9.99, what does that mean for the future when e-books make up more than 3% of our market? So, Macmillan goes to Amazon with a new suggestion like hey, let’s maybe think about:

“Publishers would like to be able to set eBooks at a higher price, say $15, then degrade the price over time to a much lower price. How much? CEO of Macmillan says “Our plan is to price the digital edition of most adult trade books in a price range from $14.99 to $5.99.”

Not every book costs the same to make, why pretend they all cost the same to read.

Ah, but any way – this is not about the pricing. This is about Amazon’s response…

WHICH WAS TO TAKE EVERY MACMILLAN BOOK OFF THEIR WEBSITE AND ONLY MAKE THEM AVAILABLE THROUGH THIRD PARTY VENDORS.

What in the absolutely stupendously ridiculous flying fuck, Amazon?!

For a pretty great explanation as to why this is bad on a point by point front, check out this guy.

Now, I’ve been bitching about Amazon forevz and evz. But this is a big bully move, like seriously. Think about going into an indie book store, there’s a personality there – an understanding that this literature is important to people.

Yes, Amazon is hurting (“giant conglomerate evil”) Macmillan by doing this, but it is also hurting the writers and the editors and all the people who put a ton of work into a book to be made. Amazon wants to be considered a book seller by the customer and a book publisher by the publisher. They consider e-books “licenses.” This is, of course, ridiculous. Amazon’s made their point very clear with this move, monopoly is most important to this company. Monopoly of the publisher’s business as well as the customer’s business. And no fucking publisher is going to tell them what to do. Tobias Bell sums up the author issue pretty well in his crazy long post about this shiz:

“I’m not trying to exhort anyone to do anything, but to explain the situation I’m in, and to educate. I’m seeing a lot of people state things with certainty (points I try to knock down above) who have no involvement in the trade. A lot of readers are going to take this out on authors, and I wanted to basically show my homework to explain things that people may not be aware of. People toss out prices of what eBooks ’should be’ who’ve never even stopped to understand how the math of something like this works. They demand things they’d never demand of a jacket salesman, just because they think economics and supply and demand and volume don’t apply to eBooks. They do. Seriously. I’ve thought about these things a lot. Mostly because I have a novel series that has not been renewed, and I keep running the numbers to see if I could write it as an eBook, and when I run these numbers, I come up looking at making a few thousand dollars for half a year’s worth of work based on how eBook sell now. Yes, there are a few J.A. Konrath’s selling well on Amazon, but as I’ve linked, other authors aren’t automagically selling thousands of eBooks there. Most who follow these footsteps sell hundreds. Not everyone becomes JK Rowling.”

Apple’s outlook is a little better – though they have their hangups as well. (Can’t put your iBook on your iPhone?! Lame.)

It’s really more scary than anything. Sigh. I can’t rant about it anymore.

What’s troubling is that people don’t seem to care… even readers. You keep buying your kindles and your books off amazon, despite their big brotherness. What the hell, man.

This really is an opportunity for Indies and for Indie enthusiasts.

Buy stuff from independents. Do it! Indiebound will help you locate indie book stores and even specific books you want IN YOUR AREA. Or just go to Barnes & Noble. At least they remember that they’re in the business of books and not just in the business of business.

There are a lot of words in this post and not a lot of pictures. I was totally going to shop a Devil Bezos and put him in here, but meh. Not worth it. Instead, I’ll put in a video about what book publishing used to be like in 1947:

And a photo because I’ve habitualized you people in expecting such things from me:

Teh end.

If you are interesting in what’s going on, follow DigitalBookWorld on twitter, they’re recapping the situation nicely.

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this has got to be the twilight zone

’cause shit, son – I don’t know what to say if it’s not.

I wasn’t really sure how to start this post – mostly because there’s so, so much anger and frustration and complete confusion as to how we could have fucked up so royally. Equality was denied once again. Only this time it was in what is supposed to be the most accepting place in the country.

I know, I know, that’s just the city. Well, what the hell do you have without us, New York? The rest of you should move to Kansas with the Phelps family, where you belong. Iowa is better than you, do you understand that? Iowa. Is. Better. Than. You. You used to be cool New York. I used to really dig you. You’ve been my home, my goal for so long, I can barely think of another place on earth I’d rather be (ahem, Iowa). You are coming dangerously close to losing the best thing about you. Everyone has (had?) a place here. It’s your go to if you don’t fit in, or even if you do – there is something for everyone in New Yo’k Citay. (Again, I know, that’s just the city). We are hip and trendy and smart and we KNOW that there is a distinct separation between church and state.

… At least, some of us do. Not so much the following democratic leaders who voted against equality: Carl Kruger, Bill Stachowski, Ruben Diaz Sr., Joe Addabbo, Darrel Aubertine, Hiram Monserrate, Shirley Huntley and George Onorato. You obviously do not represent me. I spent eight years not being represented by my federal and my state government, so I don’t know why I’m so lost now that it’s happened again.

Where were you today, New York? Did you get stoned and forget that we’re supposed to represent America as it should be and not as it is?

I wonder if this is how intelligent people in California feel.

I realize that I’m not quite as close to this issue as some of my friends, you know, being a straight woman and all. And I’ve been asked before: Why the huge interest in gay rights when it has nothing to do with you. To that I say, um hai. BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO RESPOND TO SUCH RIDICULOUSNESS.

Or this.

But seriously. The key words are Civil Rights (say it with me now, Ciiiiviiil Riiiiights). This is something that belongs to everyone. Who the hell are you to decide what goes on in my life just because I don’t adhere to your belief system. Growing up, we all learn that America is a “melting pot” – many different cultures and religions all thrown together in a giant bowl or something. Whatever. Then you get older and realize what bullshit that is, because the guys in charge, if you are not white and Christian… well kid, they just don’t give a fuck. So when you decide you can’t be for a cause, or don’t care about a cause, because it’s not your particular minority that’s getting beat down – don’t forget, we’ve all been there.

Every time equality loses, we’re going back in time. It was just recently that some dickhole judge denied a couple a marriage license because they were two different races. And yeah, he got ridiculed and mocked and all sorts of good fun by the shitty journalists we have left – but his state’s representative said nothing. Which is to say either he agreed with him and so didn’t want to chastise him or the higher ups agreed with him and wouldn’t let this guy talk. Either way, that’s a problem. Um hello, I want to marry Louis Garrell and have little indo-franco bebes. That is not going to happen if some dickhole judge decides I can only marry an Indian guy. What the eff. INDO-FRANCO BEBES. Je repeat.

Like this adorable baby who may or may not be French or Indian but came up in the Google search when I typed in “French Indian Baby” so there.

We are being represented by people who do not give two shits about us and who do not understand that religion has very little place in our government. You’ve turned religion into something ugly you crazy bastards. And it is not.

If you are lucky enough to be one of the few who can consider themselves a “true American” (Priveleged, White, Straight, Christian, Male) – then kudos to you. You got the genetic goldmine! If you weren’t doing this already, you should pat yourself on the back, twatbomb. I’m sure you just don’t know what it means to be excluded or treated strangely because you’ve always “fit in.”

This really is a cause that is close to my heart, because if one group can have their rights taken away for being different, not a single one of us is safe. Remember that a vote for inequality means we are saying that in America difference is to be feared and rejected.

Civl rights are human rights. How can you disagree with that?

There’s more to be said, as ever, on the subject – but I’m playing myself out with Senator Diane Savino’s speech. She says it better than I ever could:

P.S. To all the kids out protesting today and to the marriage equality team – amazing. You made the day a little better.

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