People don’t understand the interwebz

In which I discuss how the internet is “liek blowin’ pplz minds omg.”

Everything in my world right now is telling me that people don’t know how to use the internet. And by people I mean companies. And by companies, I mean the publishing industry.

First we’re scared of it. Oh god, no, we couldn’t get on the (hushed whisper) internet. It will eat books aliiiive! Then we’d be all:

Then the weather changed. Days grew long, then short, then long, and then short (x infinity). Time went on. People got old (but certainly did not retire). Some of them died, I’m sure. May they RIP. But ideas did. not. change.

Mostly because we fear change like the Birthers fear intelligence and Obama. In a crazy, crazy frantic kind of way. Just imagine that the Birthers:Obama::Publishing:Internet!

Who woulda  thunk it.

So fastforward, skipping a few steps because while kinda important, they can’t really compare to this guy (as much as I want them to. sigh):

i ... edited this photo a little.

ohai Jeff Bezos. He brought us [the Almighty, All Powerful] Amazon. Which was great for us lazy, Amuhricans. (I jest, I loved it at first site as well). GEDDIT? ho, ho, ho. Anyhow, so Jeffy brought us Amazon. Those of us who could read, well… those of us who chose to read (we, the minority) could find a shit ton of books and have it come to OUR HOUSE. omg. it was like ebay. but better. I bought all my GRE books on Amazon, what. It was cheap, it was convenient. And you know what, who cares about brick & mortor stores anyway? I mean, really. (o hay thar key stroke!) I mean, the only people who hung out at Barnes & Noble were scraggly emo kids who wanted Starbucks and dirty photobooks. Or music theory. Whatever.

And then the Kindle. This is where the Orwellian Mr. Bezos (we weren’t friends anymore) stepped on the wrong game. We readers generally don’t have a problem with e-readers. I don’t mind the Sony Reader, for example. But shoot, this isn’t supposed to turn into an evisceration of B-dawg. No, no. Nothin’ but … a vehement dislike on my end. Just some fist shaking, etc. (if you do want further info on why he scares me and my love of literary difference within our world, take a hard read here.)

It’s more that, when this happened. Perhaps we should have figured out, hey, maybe we should work with this new thing called: Teh Int-er-net?

… Of course not. We were still pretty much:

But instead of crawling slowly back into the dark, we figured a better idea would be to LETS  OMG GUYS WE HAVE TO GET ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB RIGHT NOW DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE HAVE TO BE ON EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW?!… Which is fine, okay, whatever. But this is done without any real understanding the medium that we all decided was perfect. Social networking. AKA social media. (“It has Media in its title, obviously we’re supposed to use it. Duh.”)

Welcome to Publishing: Facebook groups, Twitter accounts, blogs, et cetera et cetera et cetera. So quoth the king. (of And I fame). Oh, and let’s not forget how journalism has devolved into blogging. In print. Which I whole heartedly feel is hurting them even more than the internet is. They’re just pansies.

It’s nauseating. So, now people are harping on how print is dead and that the world is changing and so on and so forth. There will be changes, yes. The internet is not, however, our savior. It’s too unbridled, too big, and too intangible to completely fix everything that is wrong with this business. I say, PRINT WILL HAVE IT’S REVENGE. MWHA HA HA HA HA. (/evil laughter)

Wow, got a little serious for a hot minute over here.

(I’ll fix that): It keeping with this post, it’s funny and sad at the same time. Not that I think I’m that funny. Obviously. Shoot. I just ruined this blog by being an asshole, didn’t I?

I was going to end it right there, but WordPress just told me that there were six hundred and sixty-six words in the post. I both don’t like the thought of it because why tempt fate and I don’t need any more reasons for my friends (The Christians) to think I’m a crazy heathen who thwarts God’s will by existing. And tempting fate.

Uh, yeah. Awkward. Peace, guys.

And a video because I know you guys like things that are flashy:



Filed under This Sucks

11 responses to “People don’t understand the interwebz

  1. heerrararararar

    I don’t know that I entirely understood your ranty mc rant rant with fries.

    Also, speaking of fast-food, the McDonalds here (Makudonarudo) has this thing called Shaka Shaka chicken that is flippin to die for. It’s delicious. (Shaka Shaka is the onomatopoeia for rattling because you add flavor to the chicken and shake it in this little bag). Also, their mascot for Mikky Ds here is a stupid white guy who loves burgers. HUZZAH FOR REVERSE RACISM.

    • I totally saw that on a fastfood in other countries blog! I’m going to find it and send it to you. Also, i want to try it. OMG WE’RE SO CLOSE TO GOING. IT’S ALREADY OCTOBER AAAAAGGGHHH

  2. intentsandpurposes

    you and ben and your pidgin english. you guys are killing me.

    also, decentralized production will save the book and the publishing industry!!! go book machine!!!!

    seriously…where are you guys on that? I think it’s going to be the wave of the future, but I expect the industry to be slow as snails coming to realize it (just like everything else).

  3. Vivian The Mighty

    You know I love a good Preeti rant and agree with you 197%. But you can’t just put pictures of pure unadulterated awesomely tragic birds and expect me to remember anything else from your post.

  4. Celiaaaaaa

    Wow, you just summed up the story of our lives, Chhibberchild. And yes, you guessed it, the “pure unadulterated awesomely tragic birds” and cutsey Vincent Price madness makes up about 90% of it. Publishing is 8%, and eating hummus is 2%. There is nothing else…well, throw in a smattering of doppelgangers for good measure.

  5. JoAnna

    That video of vampire kermit is amazing.

  6. I liked it all. Kermit, your pidgin, your graphix, your rant.

  7. Johnny Virtue

    you call that a rant? you made perfectly reasonable criticisms and then you apologized.

    no spine, no wonder you work in publishing.


  8. Pingback: I Swear I Don’t Blow My Nose with a Hundred Dollar Bill | Hurling Words

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s